Motivate!

Let's be honest, how many of you have had to bribe your child to finish their dinner? To eat that last piece of green broccoli or to even take a bite of their chicken?

As parents trying to negotiate and motivate our children can be a nightmare. However, it doesn't always have to be. We will be discussing the pitfalls of bribing our children and learn alternative methods to motivate them to finish their dinners without any hassles.

First off, what is the problem with a bribe? They seem to work right? Bribe your child with ice cream to finish their dinner, or even pay them in cash to take out the trash. These tricks seem to work, but only momentarily. By bribing our child to do what we want them to, they don't learn the satisfaction themselves of completing the task. They are more excited about the additional treat or money promised to them opposed to the satisfaction of what they can accomplish. Bribes are the band aid solution to quickly pacify a difficult child. However, just like a band aid eventually comes off, so does the effect of the bribe. The next time you ask your child to do the same behavior, without a bribe, the won't do it because they know what they can get out of you, their parent, from previous encounters. It is as if your child expects to be given something in exchange for doing what you want them to do. Children are perceptive and can learn early on how to manipulate their parents.

However, if you are using bribes, there are ways to stop and rethink now, before it is too late.
There are a few steps that can help us rethink the bribes we use, and to change them into rewards. Rewarding our child helps encourage them to repeat the behavior. Bribing them will only cease any efforts to get them to repeat the same behavior. According to Dr. Steve Dennis there are five ways we can redirect our bribes into rewards to encourage good behaviors.

These five suggestions are:

1. "Always redirect to the authentic
2.  Never eclipse the authentic
3. Timing is everything
4. Age and maturity is a consideration
5. The best rewards aren't physical or material," (Dennis 2).

Now we know what these methods are let's look a little deeper to understand what they mean.

1. "Always redirect to the authentic," is basically when we redirect what our child has accomplished to what their "passions" are and why they did what they did. This is basically a question asking your child why they worked so hard and why.

2. "Never eclipse the authentic," is basically the idea that, "the larger the reward - the more it feels like a payoff or bribe," (Dennis 2). Instead of giving your child large reward for doing well, give them a small one, related to the behavior, and redirect them to the authentic.

3. "Timing is everything," is when "...rewards promised before the action can feel manipulative. Do this and I'll give you an ice cream. Unpromised rewards given in surprise after the action feels appreciative," (Dennis 2). What this method means that giving your child a reward before they follow through with the behavior will only confuse your child and they won't actually follow through. It is better to encourage your child to do the behavior and then surprise them. Also, if you promise your child a reward and then forget to give it to them, your child will resent you for not following through.

4. "Age and maturity is a consideration," this is the idea that if you have to reward your child with age appropriate rewards (Dennis 2). A teenager will not respond to ice cream as well as a toddler would. Make sure the rewards you give are age appropriate as well as fit the behavior.

5. "The best rewards aren't physical/material," is the idea that pure satisfaction and pride will help the child repeat the behavior (Dennis 2). These rewards can be your time as a parent, a new activity or experience, or even a new opportunity.

When we apply these five things to our parenting arsenal, we will be able to accomplish more with our children and help to motivate them instead of bribing them.

Reference:

Dennis, Steve. “What's the Problem with Bribes?” byui.brightspace.com/content/enforced/475769-
Online.2018.Fall.FAML120.09/Course Files/Whats the Problem with Bribes.pdf?_&d2lSessionVal=SXqzokEGHKyuQyPQUjMoUCpVu&ou=475769.