Either way as parents we have rules and expectations that we want our children to achieve. When they break our rules and expectations there are consequences. Our role as parents is to help guide our children when they break the rules so that they understand what was expected and what their consequence may be. In this video below, it shares a story of how a father was an excellent guide for his son. Here we can watch and see what we can do as a parent to help guide our children, instead of just giving in or giving up.
After watching this video, how did you as a parent feel when the boy just left the yard a mess without following through as he had promised? Did you feel frustrated, angry, resentful, or just plain upset? Did you want to break in and clean the yard yourself? Or even ground the boy for not completing the task when we wanted it done? These are all normal responses as parents. We sometimes feel that we need to have tasks done right away. Even if that means breaking in and doing them ourselves. From this video we can learn that by doing the task our self and nagging our child does not teach them to be responsible. In fact it does the opposite. It is like your boss at work giving you an assignment to interview a client. Your boss wants this to be done a specific way and at a specific time. However, before you can even start, your boss has already done the interview and completed the task. Thus taking the responsibility away from you, as well as the opportunity to grow.
As parents, our role is to help guide our children and to not simple coddle them. What it means to be a guide is just that, to be a guide. To help lead our children down the right paths so that they learn and understand with our help what is expected. This does not mean to use harmful corrective measures when our children don't comply. Astrid Lingren said, "Above all, I believe that there should never be any violence..." 1. She believed that violence was the worst thing we could do to our children when they were disobedient. She shared a story that stands out on it's own. She said,
"When I was about 20 years old, I met an old pastor's wife who told me that when she was young and had her first child, she didn't believe in striking children, although spanking kids with a switch pulled from a tree was standard punishment at the time. But one day when her son was four or five, he did something that she felt warranted a spanking - - the first of his life. And she told him that he would have to go outside himself and find a switch for her to hit him with.
The boy was gone a long time. And when he came back in, he was crying. He said to her, "Mama, I couldn't find a switch, but here's a rock that you can throw at me."
"All of a sudden the mother understood how the situation felt from the child's point of view: that if my mother wants to hurt me, then it makes no difference what she does it with; she might as well do it with a stone. And the mother took the boy onto her lap and they both cried. Then she laid the rock on a shelf in the kitchen to remind herself forever: never violence. And that is something I think everyone should keep in mind. Because violence begins in the nursery - - one can raise children into violence," 1.
Here we can see the importance of guiding our children, rather than trying to correct them and punish them. Children will understand a lot better when we take the time to work with them, and teach them, rather than only punish them.
Reference:
1. Lisbet Nilson. "Pippi Power: An Interview with Astrid Lingren. Parenting. October 1992. p. 132.
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